Learn a new language

 People who live in Western South Dakota usually can identify somebody from Back East right off.

“Back East” is any place not west of the Missouri River … and that, more or less, includes the State Capitol, Pierre. By the way, you don’t say Pierre like you’re talking to a Frenchman. A local will most likely tell you we don’t pee air out here. The State Capitol is pronounced like pier, as in Pier 1 Imports, which is the only kind of pier most people out here have ever seen. Some might think it strange that Pierre should be pronounced pier, but the folks in Cairo, Illinois, or Kearney, Nebraska, will understand.

The other thing you may notice is the high number of vehicles on the road that appear to be pickup trucks. But in Western South Dakota there are no pickup trucks. What you see are rigs. Or, if you are serious about your rig, you call it a dually. Ranchers, anybody who looks after at least 16,000 acres for the bank, will proudly display some hard-earned mud on their rig. If you see a rig that’s new and shiny, it probably just pulled an RV up from Arizona and is owned by a “snowbird” – someone who summers in the Hills and winters Down South. Keep in mind that south is a direction not a place. The place is called Down South.

Finally, North Dakota does not exist. It might be shown on a few maps, but the place they are really trying to identify is “The Patch” … as in oil patch. Also, New York, Massachusetts and California aren’t believed to exist either … but, if they do, they must be part of Europe. Texas is a another matter. Here they say its a place where folks are all hat and no cattle and who don’t know enough to keep the bulls**t on the outside of their boots.”

Well, there’s your starter course. Tell ‘em you heard it from a guy who’s older than dirt so it must be true.

Leave a Reply